Live! From the Red Carpet!

February 24, 2015

Dear St. Paul’s Family,

Sunday, February 22, 2015    7:20pm CST

Daydreaming a bit while watching the Oscars red carpet coverage ….

Robin Roberts:  Hello, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to our very special broadcast.  We’re here, live from the red carpet just outside Jerusalem, awaiting the arrival of this year’s biggest stars. We’re giving you a front row view of all the big name celebrities as they arrive for this year’s big festival. We’ve put together a terrific broadcast team to bring you all the action, up close and personal.  First, let’s send it over to Lara Spencer.  Lara?

Lara Spencer:  Thanks, Robin. I’m here with at Reuben Ben-Tobas, owner of Reuben’s Livery Stable. He has been attending the festival for the past thirty years and has seen some major stars come through. Reuben, tell us how you’re doing. What have you seen today?

Reuben: Well, so far the crowd seems a lot bigger than in years past. And business has been very good, with lots of people renting my donkeys to haul their souvenirs around. In fact, I just rented my last animal this morning. Interesting fellows. Said they were out of town, and I told them all I had was this young colt - -  

Robin: - - Sorry to interrupt, Lara, but we’re here with our first big celebrities. James and John, sons of Zebedee.  (Crowd cheers.  “Thunderous” applause.)  It’s an honor to welcome you to our red carpet show. First of all, you both look fabulous. I love what you did with your hair, James.

James: Oh, thanks. Glad you like it. John and I were having this discussion on the way here about whose hair was the greatest. You can’t imagine how heated it got. But I think we both look pretty good. 

Robin: And tell us, John. What do you expect from tonight’s festivities? Who are you hoping to see?

John: Well, I’ve been a big fan of Billy Crystal since he first hosted the seder in my hometown. Never been a better host in my opinion.  Makes this night more special than any other night. 

Robin: And I think a lot of people here would agree with you. Thanks for stopping by, and good luck with the festivities.  And now, look who it is. Speaking of big names, it’s Peter!  Welcome, Peter, how are you doing?

Peter: WOO-HOO! FREEDOM! (Crowd cheers loudly)  Fine. I’m doing fine.

Robin: As we all know, it’s been a big year for you. Your mother-in-law came back from a grave illness, you got front row tickets to see Elijah and Moses, and .. you walked on water!  Tell us, how was that?

Peter: Biggest thrill of my life.  For a while.  And then…well, no comment.

Robin: (laughs) I see. How about telling us who you are wearing tonight?

Peter: Oh, this? This is the latest John the Baptist. He specially designed it just for me before he, you know, got his head served on a platter.  But this isn’t just any camel hair coat.  It’s got a cool zipper pocket for me to hide this sword. (Waves sword awkwardly) I’m not very good with swords, but you never know when one might come in handy.

Robin: Wow. Fascinating. Now, Peter. Let’s talk about your latest project. You are currently on tour with the traveling Jesus show. We all want to know: what has it been like working with such an amazing cast of people over the course of these past several months? Give us one bit of juicy gossip about one of your cast mates that folks at home would never know!

Peter: Well, let me think.  There’s not a whole lot I can say, really. We’re all very different, with little personality quirks. Andrew keeps trying to bring new people into the production, so that’s good. Matthew, he’s a tax collector, so the others kind of leave him alone.  James and John? They seem to like to argue.  Like all the time.  And then there’s Judas.  I tell you, that guy is really going to make a name for himself some day.

Robin: You heard it here first, folks.  Thanks so much, Peter, and have fun tonight!

Peter:  Thanks, Robin.  FREEDOM!  (Crowd cheers wildly)

Robin:  And here he is, the one everyone has come to see.  Just look at all the palm branches waving, and the folks throwing their coats on the ground in front of him.  Let’s go back to Lara, who is right there for an interview.  Lara?

Lara:  Yes, Robin, I’m here with Jesus of Nazareth.  (Crowd cheers)  My goodness, Jesus. Listen to this crowd! I can’t say that I’ve ever seen such a big crowd for a red carpet event. Look at them all, chanting “Hosanna, Hosanna!” Must make you feel pretty special, huh?

Jesus:  I have come not to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many.

Lara: (chuckles) Oh, there you go again, always ready with the sound bite! Now tell us, all the reporters are buzzing about this young colt you are riding!  What gave you the inspiration for such an eye-catching fashion accessory?

Jesus:  Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.

Lara:  Profound, Jesus. That prophet Zechariah sure had a way with words, huh?  Now let me ask you. There has been a lot of speculation in the press that you have come today to make a big announcement about the next major project in your career.  A career, as we all know, that has commanded crowds all across the land, with healing, teaching, and miracles. We all want to know, Jesus: what is next in store for you?

Jesus:  Destroy this temple, and I will raise it again in three days.  

Lara:  Oooh!  Sounds like an action film!  You heard it here first, folks. No more dramas or documentary movies – it sounds like Jesus will be branching out to star in his first ever big budget blockbuster!  We will all be waiting to see it, I’m sure!

Jesus:  You will all fall away, for it is written: "I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.”

Lara:  Heh, heh.  Good one, Jesus.  Oh, wait.  Robin has a question.

Robin:  Thanks, Lara.  Yes, Jesus, this is Robin Roberts from Good Morning Jerusalem.  I was wondering, with all of the great lines you’ve delivered in your storied career, which one do you want to be remembered by?  I mean, Arnold has “I’ll be back” and Tom has “Life is like a box of chocolates.”  When you’re dead, what do you want your tombstone to read?

Jesus:  He is not here. He has been raised.

Robin:  I love it. Well, Jesus, enjoy the rest of your time here. Now go meet your adoring fans! Look how they love you!

Jesus:  Jerusalem, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.

Robin:  Oh, that Jesus. Always a kidder. Thanks for joining us, everyone!