With Gentleness and Reverence

May 24, 2011

Dear St. Paul’s Family,

At age 16, George Washington penned a small booklet called Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. His 110 rules were based on principles of community written by French Jesuit monks 137 years prior, and Washington translated them for use in his time. He envisioned a society that viewed its citizens as equals, not dominated by aristocrats and elitists, yet still maintained a standard of dignity and decency.

Many of his rules now seem laughably quaint and outdated:

• When you Sit down, Keep your Feet firm and Even, without putting one on the other or Crossing them.
• In the Presence of Others, Sing not to yourself with a humming Noise, nor Drum with your Fingers or Feet.
• Do not Puff up the Cheeks, Loll not out the tongue, rub the Hands, or beard, thrust out the lips, or bite them or keep the Lips too open or too Close.
• Do not laugh too loud or too much at any Public Spectacle.
• Take no Salt or cut Bread with your Knife Greasy. [1]

Let’s just say I would have been a pretty lousy Colonial America, especially the part about laughing too loud. But of all of Washington’s rules, the one that most grabs my attention is the very first one, apparently the bedrock upon which all other codes of conduct rest:

Every Action done in Company, ought to be with Some Sign of Respect, to those that are Present.

Washington had an idyllic vision of how our nascent country could mature into a place where prosperity and achievement could be complemented with politeness and decorum. He believed that the foundation of a decent society was found in the way individuals treated those around them. His is a challenge that is just as important today as it was over 250 years ago.


SIGNS OF INCIVILITY

It is easy to see how far our country has strayed from Washington’s ideal. A recent Zogby poll revealed that 95 percent of Americans believe that civility in politics is important for a healthy democracy, but 89 percent say that the tone of politics has remained poor and in decline in the last three years. One need only remember the horrific shooting in Tucson last January to see evidence of our polarized political atmosphere.

Things are not much better in the workplace. The Workplace Bullying Institute, in conjunction with Zogby, conducted a poll that defined bullying as “repeated mistreatment: sabotage by others that prevented work from getting done, verbal abuse, threatening conduct, intimidation and humiliation.” By that standard, 35% of employees claimed to experience bullying first hand, including 34% of all female employees. [3]

And even the world of sports, the place to which Americans turn for escapist entertainment, is not immune from our uncivil society. Think about the near-fatal beating of a Giants baseball fan outside Dodger stadium in late March. Or even consider the rough tenor of parents attending youth sports. A recent report by the National Alliance for Youth Sports shared a story about two women assaulting and leaving unconscious a mother after a little league game in Utah. There was a also youth baseball coach who wrestled an umpire to the ground in Wisconsin. And there was a brutal brawl of thirty adults at the end of a Los Angeles youth soccer game. [4]

Of course, you and I could go on, building a nearly inexhaustible list of examples of how our relationships with one another have been marked by more rancor than respect, more spite than civility. And I haven’t even mentioned the divisions within the body of Christ.


WITH GENTLENESS AND RESPECT

With this gloomy diagnosis in mind, our journey through 1 Peter focuses our gaze this Sunday on chapter 3, verses 15 and 16: Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an account of the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and reverence. In the spirit of true mainline, centerfield construction, 1 Peter finds the center between two extremes, recognizing the value of both firm opinions and gracious compassion. It is permissible, even advisable, for us to be confident about our principles, and to stake claims about our convictions. We need not be subject to a kind of open-ended tolerance that renders us unable to define truth for ourselves, and need not worry about being all things to all people. “Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you,” 1 Peter says.

But the second part is just as important: with gentleness and reverence. This is the key complement to conviction. It is the ability to relate to others with a tone that is neither condescending or acrimonious. We are called to be simultaneously secure and sympathetic in the way we relate to others.

I don’t think I can make it more practical or say it any better than Donald Miller, bestselling author of Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Listen for the way he advises Christians to engage with others in areas in which they might disagree:


1. Truth is not My Truth, it’s Just Truth: My ideas were not really my invention. Even if I was the first person to consider an idea, it’s still something I stumbled upon. I shouldn’t take it personally when somebody doesn’t agree. They aren’t rejecting me, they are rejecting an idea.

2. Methodology is Part of the Message: When I get defensive and then condescending, what I associate my ideas with an offensive subtext, and that association is very strong to the hearer. Imagine having a conversation with somebody who has terrible breath, standing there and smelling their putrid hot air as they talk. It’s the same with your attitude toward somebody when you’re discussing an idea.

3. Without a Loving Heart, I am Like a Clanging Cymbal: If I don’t genuinely care about the people I’m talking to, I’ll be received like a guy standing there clanging cymbals together. The Bible makes a strong connection between a persons heart and their tongue. We tend to think we talk with our tongues alone, but the Bible says we talk with our tongues and our hearts. Corinthians 13: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

4. The Other Person has Sovereignty: Even if I think the other person is completely wrong, they have a right to their beliefs. I can simply state what I believe and do so in kindness and that’s really it. If I’m trying to bully somebody into my way of seeing things, I’m not respecting the sovereignty of the person I am talking with.

5. I Could be Wrong: What we most want from the person we are talking to is for them to see things from our perspective and agree. That being said, though, are you willing to see things from their perspective? If not, try listening to their perspective then repeating it back to them. Ask them if you got it right, and if you did, say you will think about it. Then present your idea, too, and ask them if they understand your position. To be honest, they may not be as open as you, but once the conversation is over, I assure you they will have a new respect for you, and believe me, they will consider your ideas more respectfully. And besides, the truth is they could be right. [5]


PRAYER FOR ANNUAL CONFERENCE

We’ll explore more ideas of how to become a more civil people this Sunday when we dig deeper into the words of 1 Peter 3. In the meantime, I hope that you will keep all of these challenges in mind as United Methodists across the connection prepare to attend annual conferences in upcoming weeks. I will be attending two, Florida and then Iowa, starting next Monday. At these gatherings we will conduct the important work of electing delegates to the 2012 General Conference in Tampa, which serves as the chief decision-making body for the denomination. That means that our work will brew with conversations about the major hot-button topics of our time, earnestly seeking God’s guidance on how to resolve them despite our differences.

Let us join together as a congregation in prayer, that the words of 1 Peter 3 may be lived out in the way we dialogue and discern the future of the church. May we be clear enough about our convictions to provide “a ready defense,” but do so with great gentleness and reverence.

Grace and Peace,

Magrey

The Rev. Magrey R. deVega
St. Paul's United Methodist Church
531 W. Main St.
Cherokee, IA 51012
Ph: 712-225-3955
E-mail: mdevega@cherokeespumc.org
http://www.cherokeespumc.org


[1] http://www.foundationsmag.com/civility.html
[2] http://sitesmedia.s3.amazonaws.com/civility/files/2010/04/AlleghenyCollegeCivilityReport2010.pdf
[3] http://business.financialpost.com/2011/05/04/workplace-bullying-north-americas-silent-epidemic/
[4] http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-parents-we-mean-be/200907/the-morally-mature-sports-parent
[5] http://donmilleris.com/2010/05/03/five-principles-of-civil-dialogue/


1 Peter 3:13-17
13 Now who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good?
14 But even if you do suffer for doing what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear, and do not be intimidated,
15 but in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an account of the hope that is in you;
16 yet do it with gentleness and reverence. Keep your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who abuse you for your good conduct in Christ may be put to shame.
17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if suffering should be God’s will, than to suffer for doing evil.




TORNADO DEVASTATION IN JOPLIN
We have all been viewing the footage of the terrible damage done to the town of Joplin, MO. Coupled with continued recovery efforts throughout the south and in the nearby towns of Northwest Iowa, these events are a stirring reminder of the importance of the church in times like these. Your financial contributions to the United Methodist Committee on Relief are vital in these efforts, and 100% of your gifts will directly to people in need. Make your gift payable to St. Paul’s and designate it for “Tornado Relief.”

MAGREY OUT OF TOWN NEXT WEEK
Starting next Monday, I will be attending to consecutive Annual Conferences, the first in Tampa, Florida, followed by Des Moines. I will be still be in the church to preach each of the next two Sundays, but in the event of a pastoral emergency in my absence, please contact the church office.

SUMMER WORSHIP TIME
Summer worship begins at 9:30am starting Sunday, June 5. Phyllis Parrot is coordinating summer coffees, so if you would like to help out with cookies or desserts, please contact her.

LAWN MOWING VOLUNTEERS FOR THE SUMMER
“The grass is growing, so the lawn needs mowing,” in the words of our own Rod Bainbridge. There is a sign-up sheet downstairs in front of the office for you to volunteer to mow the church lawn. All the equipment is here at the church for you to use, including gasoline. Please sign up and contact Al Henn if you have questions.



To view past editions of the Mid-Week Message, visit http://mdevega.blogspot.com
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